Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Let's get real about bad relationships.

            This blog will not be all about bitching, maybe, occasionally, if I feel like it I will post something positive and happy. HOWEVER, the truth is that I am a REALIST. So I must calls 'em as I sees 'em.
            The fact is there seem to be quite a few people in my life that are currently in a relationship with, or are recovering from Douche Bags of an EPIC level. This leads me to believe that it is high time I enlighten the world (OK the 10 of you who actually read my blog) with my opinion on shitty relationships. What makes me qualified to say anything about your relationship? you might ask. I believe being married to one of the largest douche bags in the history of douche bags for almost 7 years, makes me an official member of the dumb bitches who love douche bags club. I am really sick of seeing smart, beautiful, successful women stay in relationships that make them unhappy.  So, here goes:

  1. If the one you love says or does mean and hurtful things to you in anger THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU. They may say that they do, however someone who truly understood the meaning of the word would never treat you this way. This is not love it is abuse. That's right ladies, ABUSE. Real love does not hurt. (Unless you count the feeling your heart is so full of love it just might explode.) You deserve to be loved and protected and cherished. Which leads me to my next point:
  2. You DO NOT deserve to be treated badly for any reason. Oh, you forgot to wash his laundry? So you think you deserve to be called a lazy bitch? WRONG. His legs aren't broke (Granted if he says this to you it might not be bad idea to go on ahead and fix that for him!) You went to dinner with a couple girl friends, where home by 10pm and for some reason he was waiting for you at the door to check your phone, sniff you for cologne and call you a fat whore even though he found nothing. Ladies this is a major red flag! An overly jealous person is usually that way because they are both insecure and have a guilty conscience. There is no excuse for this type of behavior. Name calling, blowing up for no reason, crazed jealousy (A little jealousy is normal, shows he's still interested!) , and especially putting their hands on you is not your fault. NO ONE deserves that. If this is happening in your relationship I urge you to please get out while you still can.
  3. Cheaters. Hot topic, most people say once a cheater always a cheater. In most cases I would agree with this statement. There are a few instances in which a relationship can be healed after an affair. However, in most cases this statement is true. My ex husband cheated on me with whatever girl would spread her legs the entire time we were in a relationship. From before we got married, until I found out and left him. He never once felt remorse and decided to stop. If someone cheats on you, usually, they do not love you. And ALWAYS they are not IN love with you. If you have other problems besides an affair, you should probably cut your losses because there is no saving it. Why should you have to work hard to fix something you didn't break? Why should you be with someone who doesn't respect and love you the way you deserve to be loved? [You deserve to be loved in return 100% the way you love that person. You should always get what you give. If that person can not return your love, they are not the right one.]
  4. Here is a term that perfectly describes my next point: "Missionary Dating". This means being with someone to save them. You can not change someone else. Think about how hard it is to change something about your own personality you don't like, now how can you possibly believe you can change someone else? If a person doesn't want to change, nothing you say or do, no matter how "perfect" a partner you are, you can not change them. Do not be "Captain Save A Ho". Don't be with someone you feel sorry for, don't stay with someone who isn't willing to work on themselves and grow as a person, and please never ever settle for someone who is less than what you deserve. If this relationship isn't what you would want for your children/sister/mother/friend then you shouldn't be in it.
  5. On again/Off again. These couples make me crazy. If you are miserable enough to leave a relationship, what makes you think that a few days, weeks or months later it's going to be any different? Do you know what the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Yes, you heard me correctly, if you go back to that douche bag/bitch you are an insane person. The second time, or the 3487493792342th time, it will always be the same. You and this person do not work well in a relationship. Period. No matter how much you love them, you can not make them love you back. And you are too good to waste your time trying to get them to. Please move on, the person who was meant for you is out there waiting. Don't hold them up for this asshole!
  6. Stop making excuses. It doesn't matter what mental disorder, stressful situation or emotional scars this person is dealing with. You deserve better! If this person can not be a good partner while dealing with their issues, they are clearly not ready for a relationship. Love them, I know you can't help it, but step back on go on with your life, and if it was meant to be it will work out when it's supposed to.
  7. Liars are just about as bad as cheaters. If you can't trust a man to tell the truth, you probably can't trust him to keep his snake on a leash. Trust is trust, and once it's been broken it takes YEARS to repair.
  8. Lazy. If you don't work you don't eat. Please ladies please stop supporting these stupid men while they lay up in your house all day and play video games, or cheat on you with their "baby mama". Stay at home moms are different, we work our asses off (I am sure there are plenty of stay at home dads who are great at what they do, I am not addressing you.) Don't let some lazy douche bag leach off of you. He is using you. A man that really is having a hard time finding a job and supporting his woman/family will have extreme guilt over this. Men are hard wired to be providers, (the good ones are anyway) when they love their families and are having a hard time making ends meet they feel like failures. So if a man seems fine with you bringing home the bacon while he lays on the couch eating it, he most likely is just in it for the free ride.
             I do not claim to know everything about relationships, or anything else for that matter. I do know that my horrific first marriage ended and two years later I can say it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I put up with verbal, emotional and slightly physical abuse for 7 years. I made excuses for him because I loved him and I felt like he loved me too. "He can't help it, he has post traumatic stress." OK, so what if he does. He is not capable of loving me as much as I love him. The way I deserve to be loved. Why should I stay in a miserable situation because he is fu*ked up? I am not saying lets all throw in the towel and give up on our marriages. Like I said, I stayed 7 years. I tried marriage counseling, separations, threats, begging, crying, pleading and a long list of other things, to make it better. Nothing worked because he was not willing to make the sacrifices and changes in himself that would have solved our problems. I do not want to see other women go through this. It breaks my heart to see these great women staying in these awful relationships, hurting and never being happy. I want all women to have the lessons I had to learn the hard way. Please stop torturing yourselves. Move on and find someone who will truly make you happier, someone who adds joy to your life instead of stripping you of it. Someone who loves and accepts you for all of who you are. A best friend, a lover, a protector and provider. You DO deserve that. You are beautiful, smart, capable women.

Please feel free to leave your comments.
Who knows someone in one of these relationships?
I am sure we all know at least one person. Share away, I would love to hear what you have to say.

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  1. AMEN to that sister! <3 keep on preaching because i had to hear this about 90,000 times before i finally took action. and we all know, some girl, somewhere needs to read this. 90,000 times. thanks :)

  2. This blog, in particular, is very profound, to me. I went through each of those scenarios and kept on trying. I now have true love and one of many reasons it is true love is because I am finally loved in return.
    They say "love is blind". I disagree. I think we choose not to see the UGLY that is right in front of our face. Just to be loved? Well, that's not love. When you realize you don't have to turn a blind eye toward your spouse...all is well.
    Great topic!!!!